Starting Today… A New Way…

Lastnight was the Full Moon in Capricorn. I attended a Shamanic Journey and drumming circle that I had continually been drawn to. This time, it was at a new location I had not attended before and oh my goodness… one of the most inviting and comfortable spaces I’d been in for such an experience. It was an outdoor setting with lush greenery and flowers circling the rather large circle that had gathered. There was grass… lush, deep green, real grass! It felt amazing to walk upon with the dirt squishing beneath my feet and in-between my toes. I knew my last-minute decision to drive an hour away was the medicine that was going to serve me best, today and in honoring and bringing in the Full Moon. Knowing the energy being offered from this moon was one of deep reflection, transformative energies.

“In relationships, our insecurities can be highlighted and issues arise when no amount of love and devotion is sufficient. The Full Moon will likely illuminate power struggles, emotional manipulation and the intense desire for control.”  – https://radiantastrology.com/capricorn-full-moon-mantras/

This is where I am finding myself today… in this Abyss. My head has been spinning out of control and I cannot seem to quiet my mind anymore. MUSIC!!!! Hold on….

And this reeling from my brain…. This is Co-Dependency at work. I immediately go on Red-Alert recognizing that I am slipping down a slope I am not willing to explore again… Stop… breathe…. Pause…, do it again, mmmm…. One more time….

Ahhhh, my body relaxes, my mind a bit quieter and the realization that my intentions with this Full-Moon are already playing out. So many of them and now it is up to me to recognize the messages and to allow the Universal Energy and my higher-self to take over… I relinquish control, now! And as I compose this on my blog I realize that this is a big part of why I have been stuck… Well, lots of reasons really but we’ll explore the magnitude of which are baffling throughout my blog….

compassion-quotes-I-would-like-my-life-to-be-a-statement-of-love-and-compassion-and-where-it-isnt-thats-where-my-work-lies.

I am not to write for others…. I am to write for me! When I attempt any other medium than Good Ol’ Paper and Pen… I get lost. I lose focus… I get distracted, I have a block and in reflection…. I sound nothing like myself, I have an anxious energy in everything that I write and share. The emotion is on mute and the English Teacher in me takes over! I then get disgusted and ditch the whole effort… and continue to allow the spinning of co-dependent thoughts throughout my head! So, with that said… Stay near… I am going to trust my journey and open up vulnerably in my sharing with you…

I am going to begin sharing from my personal journals… This scares the HELL out of me but I know this is what I am being called to do. In the authenticity and vulnerability of writing for yourself you reveal deep emotions that can be felt through the ink, the paper… the receivers of your emotional energy in the moment.

And let me be honest here… I have selfish reasons for using this mode as well… I need to feel my feels. I need to experience the emotions of my words and feelings and not be wrapped in anxiety about what others will think. Will people like it? Does it sound corny? Is it Cohesive? And on, and on, and on…

It is not one of grandeur and grandiosity… It is one of love and compassion toward any one person who may be touched so deeply by my experiences, my sorrow, turned into reflection, turned into hope, turned into an entirely new experience I am terrified to embark upon… but today… this is where “I Am”…

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